He smiled. "I'm glad that you'd understand." He studied the necklace that was cold on my neck.
"You still have that old thing?" he laughed.
"How could I get rid of it?" I asked.
He looked me in the eyes "Well, we were fighting."
"Were," I said. "We WERE."
He smiled. "You going back inside?"
"Not until we're leaving," I said.
"You know I love you," he said. "but this fighting between you and Jon..it's just got to stop."
I knew that it needed to, but I didn't want to admit it.
"Richie," I whispered, "can we talk about this at the hotel?"
He smiled, "Yeah. We can go if you'd like."
I smiled. "Yeah."
We walked back inside, and The guys all got ready to go.
I walked into my hotel room. The air was cool, and I felt really alone. I couldn't understand why Jon hated the idea of me and Richie dating. He had no idea of my feelings.
I walked into the bathroom, and saw the huge bathtub with rose petals and candles sitting around it. I slipped out of my clothes and ran the water. I lit every candle and slipped into the warm water. It felt good to have the bubbles up to my chin and to be soaked in warm water.
I sat there in silence for a few minutes before there was a knock on the door.
"Kmae?" Richie's voice echoed. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah," I said. "I'm in the bathtub."
He peeked through the doorway. "Are you in need of any assistance?"
I laughed. "Come on in."
He sat down on the toilet seat, and smiled.
"You sure are beautiful," he smiled.
I blushed. "Richie, do you think I cause too much drama for you guys?"
He shook his head quietly. "Of course you dont, darlin'."
"I want to make everyone happy," I said.
He looked down. "You sure do have big dreams in this world."
"I wanted to be everything from a singer to a ghost hunter," I smiled at the memory. "Then you guys came along, and my only dream was to make you happy."
He looked at me and smiled. "You are the most soft hearted girl I've ever met."
"That's what my grandpa used to say."
"It's the truth," Richie smiled. "You've got everything I want in a girl."
I was happy that he'd see that in me. "Jon can't see that."
He nodded, and threw more rose petals in. "You look really beautiful in candlelight."
I smiled. "You're the sweetest person ever."
"I have plans," he smiled.
"What kind of plans?" I smiled a flirty smile.
He smiled a big grin. "You'll see. I'll let you relax. Tell me when you're out."
I nodded as he went back into his room and I sat in the tub for a while.
I finally climbed out about twenty minutes later. I wrapped on a robe and knocked on Richie's door.
"Come in," he smiled.
I walked in, and saw all the candles lit around the bed.
"You're going to have a massage," he smiled.
I smiled. "Good. I need one."
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Love Lies Chapter 28
I had hoped that I wouldn't get too drunk or hammered at this concert, because I knew I'd have to behave at one for sure. I knew that Jon and Richie would be mad if I didnt. And plus, there was going to be tons of paparazzi there.
"Kmae, you ready?" Richie asked as he reached the lobby.
I nodded as he held my hand. His hand was warm to the touch. I loved it.
"Is Jon done pouting yet?" He asked.
"I haven't told him I'm staying yet," I said.
"You're going to have to sometime."
"I understand that," I stated, "but he's got to stop being so cruel to me."
"He's not that cruel," Richie said.
"Yeah he is at times, " I said.
I heard a honk as the tour bus, that brought us to the stage, had arrived.
"Well," I said, "let's get this over with."
Richie laughed as he held my hand, ready to go to the concert that would make all my dreams come true.
"What to wear.." Richie trailed off in thought as he looked through his closet in the dressing room.
I pulled out a pair of black leather pants. "What about these bad boys?"
"But what shirt?"
I skimmed through the clothes, finding a Marilyn Monroe t-shirt with the arms ripped.
"Wear your tour jacket over it," I smiled.
He looked at me and smiled. "You have a way with everything, don't you?"
I smiled. I loved his compliments.
"You have a very soft heart," he smiled. "I know I hurt you, and it hurt me too."
A felt a tear run down. I hugged him, and just held him there. I didn't want this moment of so much love and feeling to end.
He looked me in the eyes. "It's show time, babe."
I smiled as he gave me a small kiss on the forehead.
My seat was right in front. The rows of people began to fill up as the lights dimmed.
The band came out. I was so happy that Richie was right in front of me, so he'd wink at me everyonce in a while.
The concert started out with "In and Out of Love." I had helped them pick the first few concerts, and this was my favorite song.
"Young and wild..set to explode in the heat.."
I helped with lyrics too. This album was going to be the best so far.
"I'll be long gone, I've got another show, one more town more miles to go..."
Indeed, we did have many more shows and miles to go. I couldn't ever think of leaving them. They were my everything.
"Biggest Brown Eyes I've Ever Seen!"
I had always wondered if they meant me, knowing that I had brown eyes.
"You wanna take a ride on the bus? Bring your girlfriend! Bring your mom!"
Richie began his solo, and looked down and smiled at me. I winked back at him.
This was going to be an awesome night.
They finished with "Runaway" and we all met backstage. I was so happy that this concert was awesome and turned out to be awesome.
Richie came over and smiled. "You seemed to enjoy
the concert."
"It was amazing!" I smiled.
He gave me a kiss, and I could see Jon look at me with a disguisted look.
"Excuse me, Richie," I said pushing him out of the way, "I've got business to take care of."
Richie tried to grab me as I went off at Jon, and I pushed him into his dressing room and shut the door.
"What's your problem?" he asked as I locked the door.
"What's my problem?"I asked. "My problem is you! Why can't you just understand that me and Richie are becoming something again?"
"Because it doesn't matter what you're doing with him," he argued, "you're leaving anyways."
"Whoever said I was leaving?" I said. "you've got a lot of nerve to be asking me if I'm leaving my band of brothers here in the dust."
"We aren't your brothers," he said.
I got so frustrated with him. "Jon, you guys ARE my family. I have NOBODY except for you guys anymore. We've spent almost every holiday together. As a FAMILY. I excepted you as my family, you do know that right?"
"Alright, Mom," he laughed.
"You think it's a joke, Jon? Well, it's not, goddammit!" I yelled, running back out to the stage and passed the guys. I ran into the back of the stage, where there was an alleyway. I was so mad, I just wanted to cry.
"Kmae?" Richie flew out the door. "What happened?"
"Jon doesn't want me here," I whispered. "He doesn't want me to have thought of you guys as brothers."
"You're not my sister," he said.
I felt my heart sink. "What?"
"You're not my sister," he whispered, "you're my everything." He held my hand. "and maybe, you'll be my girlfriend."
I hugged him, and put my lips to his ear. "I'd love to be your girlfriend."
"Kmae, you ready?" Richie asked as he reached the lobby.
I nodded as he held my hand. His hand was warm to the touch. I loved it.
"Is Jon done pouting yet?" He asked.
"I haven't told him I'm staying yet," I said.
"You're going to have to sometime."
"I understand that," I stated, "but he's got to stop being so cruel to me."
"He's not that cruel," Richie said.
"Yeah he is at times, " I said.
I heard a honk as the tour bus, that brought us to the stage, had arrived.
"Well," I said, "let's get this over with."
Richie laughed as he held my hand, ready to go to the concert that would make all my dreams come true.
"What to wear.." Richie trailed off in thought as he looked through his closet in the dressing room.
I pulled out a pair of black leather pants. "What about these bad boys?"
"But what shirt?"
I skimmed through the clothes, finding a Marilyn Monroe t-shirt with the arms ripped.
"Wear your tour jacket over it," I smiled.
He looked at me and smiled. "You have a way with everything, don't you?"
I smiled. I loved his compliments.
"You have a very soft heart," he smiled. "I know I hurt you, and it hurt me too."
A felt a tear run down. I hugged him, and just held him there. I didn't want this moment of so much love and feeling to end.
He looked me in the eyes. "It's show time, babe."
I smiled as he gave me a small kiss on the forehead.
My seat was right in front. The rows of people began to fill up as the lights dimmed.
The band came out. I was so happy that Richie was right in front of me, so he'd wink at me everyonce in a while.
The concert started out with "In and Out of Love." I had helped them pick the first few concerts, and this was my favorite song.
"Young and wild..set to explode in the heat.."
I helped with lyrics too. This album was going to be the best so far.
"I'll be long gone, I've got another show, one more town more miles to go..."
Indeed, we did have many more shows and miles to go. I couldn't ever think of leaving them. They were my everything.
"Biggest Brown Eyes I've Ever Seen!"
I had always wondered if they meant me, knowing that I had brown eyes.
"You wanna take a ride on the bus? Bring your girlfriend! Bring your mom!"
Richie began his solo, and looked down and smiled at me. I winked back at him.
This was going to be an awesome night.
They finished with "Runaway" and we all met backstage. I was so happy that this concert was awesome and turned out to be awesome.
Richie came over and smiled. "You seemed to enjoy
the concert."
"It was amazing!" I smiled.
He gave me a kiss, and I could see Jon look at me with a disguisted look.
"Excuse me, Richie," I said pushing him out of the way, "I've got business to take care of."
Richie tried to grab me as I went off at Jon, and I pushed him into his dressing room and shut the door.
"What's your problem?" he asked as I locked the door.
"What's my problem?"I asked. "My problem is you! Why can't you just understand that me and Richie are becoming something again?"
"Because it doesn't matter what you're doing with him," he argued, "you're leaving anyways."
"Whoever said I was leaving?" I said. "you've got a lot of nerve to be asking me if I'm leaving my band of brothers here in the dust."
"We aren't your brothers," he said.
I got so frustrated with him. "Jon, you guys ARE my family. I have NOBODY except for you guys anymore. We've spent almost every holiday together. As a FAMILY. I excepted you as my family, you do know that right?"
"Alright, Mom," he laughed.
"You think it's a joke, Jon? Well, it's not, goddammit!" I yelled, running back out to the stage and passed the guys. I ran into the back of the stage, where there was an alleyway. I was so mad, I just wanted to cry.
"Kmae?" Richie flew out the door. "What happened?"
"Jon doesn't want me here," I whispered. "He doesn't want me to have thought of you guys as brothers."
"You're not my sister," he said.
I felt my heart sink. "What?"
"You're not my sister," he whispered, "you're my everything." He held my hand. "and maybe, you'll be my girlfriend."
I hugged him, and put my lips to his ear. "I'd love to be your girlfriend."
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Love Lies Chapter 27
**********
A day later, the guys started getting ready for their concert. I got to sit in the front row, happy to watch as Richie did his thing.
Jon neve said anything to me. I just ignored him. I had no reason to talk to him and I didn't want to. Richie and I's relationship became more and more clear that we wanted each other. I wanted to be his girlfriend again, but thought I should just wait until after we leave Houston to ask.
"Kmae?" Richie said from his room.
The door between our rooms was always open now, unless of Jon was in Richie's room.
"Yeah?" I shouted from the bathroom.
He walked in with his shirt hung over his shoulder.
"What are you wearing?" he asked.
"I might wear that green tank top I have."
He smiled as he put a bag on my bed, and went back into his room.
I opened the bag, and found a Bon Jovi denim jacket that said "7800° Fahrenheit tour staff" on the front with "Kmae" also stitched onto it. I put it on over the green tank top and my short shorts. It looked really good on me actually.
I walked into Richie's room. He was standing in the bathroom with a razor in his hand shaving. When he bent over, I went up to him and wrapped my arms around his neck.
"Thanks," I whispered in his ear.
He looked up and smiled, finishing his shave.
"You deserve it," he smiled.
"Do you have an extra bandana?" I asked as I examined my hair in the mirror.
He grabbed a purple one from his bag. "You can keep it."
"Really?" I asked as I wrapped it around my head and let my hair go down.
He smiled. "You really look beautiful."
"You think?" I smiled as he wrapped me up in his arms and kissed me. I had shaving cream all over my face by the time we were done.
"I'm going to go do my makeup," I smiled.
"Alright. We leave in a bit."
I went back into my room and wiped off the shaving cream. Richie must've shut the door. I got ready, and grabbed the necklace that Richie had given me and put it around my neck. The cold metal made me shiver, but it felt good.
My cowgirl boots without the heels on them laid in the corner of the room, looking at me because I was wearing the heels. I wasn't sure if I'd make it with heels, so I changed them.
I was ready for whatever was coming for me.
A day later, the guys started getting ready for their concert. I got to sit in the front row, happy to watch as Richie did his thing.
Jon neve said anything to me. I just ignored him. I had no reason to talk to him and I didn't want to. Richie and I's relationship became more and more clear that we wanted each other. I wanted to be his girlfriend again, but thought I should just wait until after we leave Houston to ask.
"Kmae?" Richie said from his room.
The door between our rooms was always open now, unless of Jon was in Richie's room.
"Yeah?" I shouted from the bathroom.
He walked in with his shirt hung over his shoulder.
"What are you wearing?" he asked.
"I might wear that green tank top I have."
He smiled as he put a bag on my bed, and went back into his room.
I opened the bag, and found a Bon Jovi denim jacket that said "7800° Fahrenheit tour staff" on the front with "Kmae" also stitched onto it. I put it on over the green tank top and my short shorts. It looked really good on me actually.
I walked into Richie's room. He was standing in the bathroom with a razor in his hand shaving. When he bent over, I went up to him and wrapped my arms around his neck.
"Thanks," I whispered in his ear.
He looked up and smiled, finishing his shave.
"You deserve it," he smiled.
"Do you have an extra bandana?" I asked as I examined my hair in the mirror.
He grabbed a purple one from his bag. "You can keep it."
"Really?" I asked as I wrapped it around my head and let my hair go down.
He smiled. "You really look beautiful."
"You think?" I smiled as he wrapped me up in his arms and kissed me. I had shaving cream all over my face by the time we were done.
"I'm going to go do my makeup," I smiled.
"Alright. We leave in a bit."
I went back into my room and wiped off the shaving cream. Richie must've shut the door. I got ready, and grabbed the necklace that Richie had given me and put it around my neck. The cold metal made me shiver, but it felt good.
My cowgirl boots without the heels on them laid in the corner of the room, looking at me because I was wearing the heels. I wasn't sure if I'd make it with heels, so I changed them.
I was ready for whatever was coming for me.
Love Lies Chapter 26
I went and slid it under his door to see if he'd find it. I didn't know what to do. I felt so trapped. I needed someone to talk to. Someone like Richie.
I slowly walked across the room to his door that connected our rooms together. I hesitated to knock, but finally did.
Nobody answered, so I slowly unlocked the door and walked in. I looked around the room, and saw Richie asleep on the bed. He looked so peaceful, and I didn't want to wake him up.
I went over to the bed and laid down on my side, watching him. I watched his chest raise and then fall. He was so cute when he slept and I didn't want to wake him.
He moved a little bit, putting his arm on top of me, and then I kissed his hands. They looked worn out from playing guitar. I didn't want to hurt him, so I just snuggled closer to him.
Twenty minutes must've gone by, and he finally began to wake up. I turned around to look at him as we laid side by side.
"Kmae?" he smiled. "How'd you get in here?"
"I needed someone to talk to," I smiled.
He held my hand in his, "You look like you've been crying."
I looked him straight in the eyes, "Me and Jon got into a bit of an argument."
"What'd he do to you?" He said with worry in his voice.
"He told me to leave," I whispered. "I think that I might. There's just too much drama."
Richie's eyes started tearing up. "You can't go."
I pushed his hair away from his cheeks, "I can't cause you guys any problems."
"But I haven't gotten any problems
from you," he said. "Except for what happened to you and Jon a few nights ago."
"You knew?" I was shocked. I wasn't sure if he'd be mad or didn't even care.
"Jon told me," he whispered. "It's okay, it wasn't your fault. You were drunk."
I hugged him. I was so glad that he understood. I couldn't have seen myself telling him. I'd be too scared.
He hugged back. It was one of those hugs that I hadn't had for a while. I felt myself melt in his presence. His voice that made my heart melt, those hugs I couldn't go without anymore.
He stopped hugging me and looked me in the eyes. "Kmae, I love you."
"I love you too," I whispered as I looked into his brown eyes.
He inched closer until his warm lips met mine. I couldn't help myself as I tangled my hands in his hair. We hadn't kissed like that since almost a year ago. I missed it. There was a sensation that was building up inside me as we kissed. I didn't want it to ever end. I loved him so much. I couldn't stand leaving.
"Are you going to leave now?" He asked with his lips still pressed to mine.
"Not if you kiss me like this," I smiled as I fell back onto the bed.
He laughed as he kissed me again, and I felt relieved.
I slowly walked across the room to his door that connected our rooms together. I hesitated to knock, but finally did.
Nobody answered, so I slowly unlocked the door and walked in. I looked around the room, and saw Richie asleep on the bed. He looked so peaceful, and I didn't want to wake him up.
I went over to the bed and laid down on my side, watching him. I watched his chest raise and then fall. He was so cute when he slept and I didn't want to wake him.
He moved a little bit, putting his arm on top of me, and then I kissed his hands. They looked worn out from playing guitar. I didn't want to hurt him, so I just snuggled closer to him.
Twenty minutes must've gone by, and he finally began to wake up. I turned around to look at him as we laid side by side.
"Kmae?" he smiled. "How'd you get in here?"
"I needed someone to talk to," I smiled.
He held my hand in his, "You look like you've been crying."
I looked him straight in the eyes, "Me and Jon got into a bit of an argument."
"What'd he do to you?" He said with worry in his voice.
"He told me to leave," I whispered. "I think that I might. There's just too much drama."
Richie's eyes started tearing up. "You can't go."
I pushed his hair away from his cheeks, "I can't cause you guys any problems."
"But I haven't gotten any problems
from you," he said. "Except for what happened to you and Jon a few nights ago."
"You knew?" I was shocked. I wasn't sure if he'd be mad or didn't even care.
"Jon told me," he whispered. "It's okay, it wasn't your fault. You were drunk."
I hugged him. I was so glad that he understood. I couldn't have seen myself telling him. I'd be too scared.
He hugged back. It was one of those hugs that I hadn't had for a while. I felt myself melt in his presence. His voice that made my heart melt, those hugs I couldn't go without anymore.
He stopped hugging me and looked me in the eyes. "Kmae, I love you."
"I love you too," I whispered as I looked into his brown eyes.
He inched closer until his warm lips met mine. I couldn't help myself as I tangled my hands in his hair. We hadn't kissed like that since almost a year ago. I missed it. There was a sensation that was building up inside me as we kissed. I didn't want it to ever end. I loved him so much. I couldn't stand leaving.
"Are you going to leave now?" He asked with his lips still pressed to mine.
"Not if you kiss me like this," I smiled as I fell back onto the bed.
He laughed as he kissed me again, and I felt relieved.
Love Lies Chapter 25
I saw the fear in his eyes.
"You don't?" he whispered.
"Jon, I can't be between you and Richie," I said. "I've come to realization that I can't date you both and I can't love you both. Whatever happened in our past just needs to let us go. I'm sorry Jon, but I don't love you." I felt the tears fall down my cheeks as I tried looking him in the eyes. I couldn't. It was hurting me enough having these words come from me.
"Jon," I whispered, "you'll always be my superman. I know you've gotten in fights with me and with Richie, but you can't save us both. I love you, but just as a brother. And as my superman."
He put his hands over his head and began to cry. I couldn't even look at his face. I was bawling too. I couldn't see Myself making him cry. It made me feel like I had hurt him. I felt like a monster inside and I couldn't help but think of what he thought of me.
I tried to help calm him and make him feel better, but he turned on me.
"I'm so sick of this drama!" he yelled through his tears. "I don't want anymore of it! Why did I even let you go on tour? You just wanted to hurt me?"
"Jon," I cried, "you have it all wrong--"
"No I don't. You never did love me. All those emotions, they were NOTHING. You faked EVERYTHING. You played with my emotions, Kmae. You should've never Asked to go on tour. You should just leave!"
I was so devastated. "Fine, I will leave, Jon. I hope you're happy."
I ran back into my room and slammed the door shut. I locked every single door in my room and closed the the curtains. I felt so evil, so broken. I didn't have any idea of how I'd ever be able to forgive anything that Jon had said to me. I went into my bag and grabbed the picture of me and him that was in a small frame and threw it across the room, watching the glass shatter into a million tiny pieces. I couldn't stand but wait until I could leave. I didn't want to be here anymore. I wanted to just get out of all this drama, all this hate. I felt like nothing. I felt like none of my emotions ever became a reality for Jon. He thought I made up everything. He thought I didn't love him. He thought he'd be better off in life without me. I couldn't stand but think of everything we'd been through and how I would never be able to forget it.
I felt sick to my stomach. I felt like someone had repeatedly stabbed me until I couldn't hold anymore emotions inside of me. They all came out as tears of love and hate. I couldn't stand but think of what I'd do from here. Jon didn't even want me here. How could I be here anymore?
I grabbed my notebook from my bag and looked through it. I was trying to find a clean page, so I could write Jon a note. I was looking through until I finally found one.
"Dear Jon,
I highly doubt you care, but I just wanted to say goodbye before I leave. I'm going back to New Jersey because you obviously don't want me here. I'm sorry that I told you I didn't love you, and I'm sorry that you don't want me here and that I've caused you drama. I'm just trying to heal the wounds you guys scraped up a few years ago. I guess I'll see you in 15 months.
Kmae."
"You don't?" he whispered.
"Jon, I can't be between you and Richie," I said. "I've come to realization that I can't date you both and I can't love you both. Whatever happened in our past just needs to let us go. I'm sorry Jon, but I don't love you." I felt the tears fall down my cheeks as I tried looking him in the eyes. I couldn't. It was hurting me enough having these words come from me.
"Jon," I whispered, "you'll always be my superman. I know you've gotten in fights with me and with Richie, but you can't save us both. I love you, but just as a brother. And as my superman."
He put his hands over his head and began to cry. I couldn't even look at his face. I was bawling too. I couldn't see Myself making him cry. It made me feel like I had hurt him. I felt like a monster inside and I couldn't help but think of what he thought of me.
I tried to help calm him and make him feel better, but he turned on me.
"I'm so sick of this drama!" he yelled through his tears. "I don't want anymore of it! Why did I even let you go on tour? You just wanted to hurt me?"
"Jon," I cried, "you have it all wrong--"
"No I don't. You never did love me. All those emotions, they were NOTHING. You faked EVERYTHING. You played with my emotions, Kmae. You should've never Asked to go on tour. You should just leave!"
I was so devastated. "Fine, I will leave, Jon. I hope you're happy."
I ran back into my room and slammed the door shut. I locked every single door in my room and closed the the curtains. I felt so evil, so broken. I didn't have any idea of how I'd ever be able to forgive anything that Jon had said to me. I went into my bag and grabbed the picture of me and him that was in a small frame and threw it across the room, watching the glass shatter into a million tiny pieces. I couldn't stand but wait until I could leave. I didn't want to be here anymore. I wanted to just get out of all this drama, all this hate. I felt like nothing. I felt like none of my emotions ever became a reality for Jon. He thought I made up everything. He thought I didn't love him. He thought he'd be better off in life without me. I couldn't stand but think of everything we'd been through and how I would never be able to forget it.
I felt sick to my stomach. I felt like someone had repeatedly stabbed me until I couldn't hold anymore emotions inside of me. They all came out as tears of love and hate. I couldn't stand but think of what I'd do from here. Jon didn't even want me here. How could I be here anymore?
I grabbed my notebook from my bag and looked through it. I was trying to find a clean page, so I could write Jon a note. I was looking through until I finally found one.
"Dear Jon,
I highly doubt you care, but I just wanted to say goodbye before I leave. I'm going back to New Jersey because you obviously don't want me here. I'm sorry that I told you I didn't love you, and I'm sorry that you don't want me here and that I've caused you drama. I'm just trying to heal the wounds you guys scraped up a few years ago. I guess I'll see you in 15 months.
Kmae."
Love Lies Chapter 24
I didn't know what to say. I was so shocked that he had all these feelings inside him. I checked to see when he had wrote it, and it said July 12, 1984.
"He does love me," I said to myself. He had only wrote it a few days ago, it being July 15 now.
I went and took a shower, and got ready. My clothes were all laid out on the bed, and today was their day of relaxation and everything before the concert, so I picked out a orange tank top and another pair of shorts that I made from an old pair of jeans. My cowgirl boots were laying amoung my other shoes, so I grabbed them, and put my hair in a bun. My makeup looked like complete shit, so I decided to put some eyeliner on and everything else.
I looked at my arms. The bruises weren't visible any more, so I grabbed Jon's sweatshirt and knocked on his door.
"Who is it?" he shouted.
"It's Kmae," I yelled back, "I've got your sweatshirt."
"Okay, just set it on the bed," he shouted.
I opened the door which wasn't locked because his door was right inside mine, also including Richie's door. I was stuck between them.
I heard water running. Jon was in the shower, so I quickly went in and set the sweatshirt on the bed. I noticed a few crumpled pieces of paper laying over beside the bed, and decided to go see what they said.
The first one I opened was a new song called "Borderline" that I had never heard before, and the second one was another note.
"Kmae,
Whatever happened to us the other night isn't going to keep me from loving you. I hope you know that."
He didn't finish. Which made me wonder, why not? Was he scared that I wouldn't take him?
"I see you found my note," I heard behind me.
I turned around. Jon was standing there with a towel wrapped around him.
I dropped the piece of paper.
"You read it?" he asked.
I nodded. I was still in shock from what he wrote, plus he was standing right beside me.
"They're real feelings," he said. "I wasn't going to give you them."
"There was one in my bag," I explained."I thought that because it was in my bag, you wanted me to read it."
"It was?" he asked. "I don't remember putting it in there."
"it could've fallen out of your sweatshirt, that was in my bag too."
"I was wearing that when I wrote it."
I didn't know if I wanted to ask him about the note. But I decided to anyways.
"You really feel that way about me?" I asked.
He sat down on the bed. "Well, yeah. I always have."
"Why didn't you tell me?" I said.
"I was scared."
"You know you can tell me anything," I said.
"I love you," he whispered.
I felt a sharp pain pierce through me. It was the guilt of knowing that I had actually moved on. I couldn't love him. I loved Richie.
"Jon," I said, "I can't say that back."
"Lie to me," he whispered in my ear.
"Tell me you love me. I know you do."
"I can't lie to you Jon, I can't." I said. "Jon, I don't love you."
"He does love me," I said to myself. He had only wrote it a few days ago, it being July 15 now.
I went and took a shower, and got ready. My clothes were all laid out on the bed, and today was their day of relaxation and everything before the concert, so I picked out a orange tank top and another pair of shorts that I made from an old pair of jeans. My cowgirl boots were laying amoung my other shoes, so I grabbed them, and put my hair in a bun. My makeup looked like complete shit, so I decided to put some eyeliner on and everything else.
I looked at my arms. The bruises weren't visible any more, so I grabbed Jon's sweatshirt and knocked on his door.
"Who is it?" he shouted.
"It's Kmae," I yelled back, "I've got your sweatshirt."
"Okay, just set it on the bed," he shouted.
I opened the door which wasn't locked because his door was right inside mine, also including Richie's door. I was stuck between them.
I heard water running. Jon was in the shower, so I quickly went in and set the sweatshirt on the bed. I noticed a few crumpled pieces of paper laying over beside the bed, and decided to go see what they said.
The first one I opened was a new song called "Borderline" that I had never heard before, and the second one was another note.
"Kmae,
Whatever happened to us the other night isn't going to keep me from loving you. I hope you know that."
He didn't finish. Which made me wonder, why not? Was he scared that I wouldn't take him?
"I see you found my note," I heard behind me.
I turned around. Jon was standing there with a towel wrapped around him.
I dropped the piece of paper.
"You read it?" he asked.
I nodded. I was still in shock from what he wrote, plus he was standing right beside me.
"They're real feelings," he said. "I wasn't going to give you them."
"There was one in my bag," I explained."I thought that because it was in my bag, you wanted me to read it."
"It was?" he asked. "I don't remember putting it in there."
"it could've fallen out of your sweatshirt, that was in my bag too."
"I was wearing that when I wrote it."
I didn't know if I wanted to ask him about the note. But I decided to anyways.
"You really feel that way about me?" I asked.
He sat down on the bed. "Well, yeah. I always have."
"Why didn't you tell me?" I said.
"I was scared."
"You know you can tell me anything," I said.
"I love you," he whispered.
I felt a sharp pain pierce through me. It was the guilt of knowing that I had actually moved on. I couldn't love him. I loved Richie.
"Jon," I said, "I can't say that back."
"Lie to me," he whispered in my ear.
"Tell me you love me. I know you do."
"I can't lie to you Jon, I can't." I said. "Jon, I don't love you."
Love Lies Chapter 23
I went outside and found the guys. All of them, including their manager was there, except Richie.
"You guys survived?" Tico said.
I shook my head. "Is Richie here yet?"
"He just pulled in," Dave said. "He's by the beach again."
I didn't even say goodbye, I just ran up past the tree and stood there, seeing if he's there.
He was standing there like a statue, watching the waves roll up on shore.
I didn't want to ruin the moment, so I just stood there, watching him while I sat there in the grass.
He turned, and finally saw me.
"Hey," he smiled. He walked back up by the tree, and sat right next to me.
"Hi," I whispered.
"You feeling better? Where did you end up?" he asked
"I feel fine," I said, "I was fine, I got back to the bus."
"I was at my house," he said, "I went there because I was so hammered, and that's where the limo driver took me."
"Well, that's good."
"Im going down to see the guys," he said. "You wanna come with?"
I nodded as we walked down the hill and back around the stage. All the guys were packed and already in the tour bus.
"Well, are you guys coming or not?" Jon shouted out the window.
I laughed, and me and Richie got into the bus, destined to go back to where we belonged.
I was sitting in my room writing away when there was a knock on my door.
"Who is it?" I asked.
"It's Jon," he said as he walked in.
"Don't mind my clothes laying all over the floor," I warned.
He picked up a black, lacy nightgown that I had laying on the floor.
"When are you planning on using this?" he muttered.
"Not with you!" I said without even looking up from my paper.
"Did you tell him?" He asked.
"Tell who?"
"Richie. Did you tell him that we had sex?"
I shook my head, "We aren't sure if we did."
"Uh, I'm pretty sure we did," he muttered. "I woke up in a trance."
"You were drunk. Of course you'd wake up in a trance."
"You need to tell him before he finds it himself."
"He won't. I'll tell him when we are alone again."
Jon raised up the gown again. "Wear this, and he'll forgive you."
I rolled my eyes. "You're such a tease, you know?"
He laughed and rolled his eyes as he stepped back out into the other part of the bus.
I was writing away in my own dreamland. I wrote of how much I was in love with them both and how I could only love one though. I remembered every single moment of everything I did with them. They were my drugs.
Seconds, minutes, hours, days went by. We finally made it to Houston after many stops and some final touches on the new album, 7800° Farehnheit.
I could finally reach my inner self as I walked into the hotel room. I was so free, and I felt so amazing when I got in there. It was like heaven.
I went to get into the shower, and grabbed a towel from the shelf, and went into my bag to grab some clothes for afterwards. When I went to grab my shirt, a note fell out of the sleeve.
I carefully examined it before reading it:
"Dear Kmae,
I understand we aren't a couple, but believe me, I am so in love with you, it isn't even funny. I try and I try to get your attention, I really do, but you're too busy with Richie to see me. I get it. I want you. I'm so badly broken and bruised from all these years of chasing you around and not being able to catch you. Baby, I need you in my arms. I can't say that you love me back, but please. Be mine. There's a certain chance I'd take to have you in my arms tonight. I love you so, so fucking much.
Love you always, Jon."
"You guys survived?" Tico said.
I shook my head. "Is Richie here yet?"
"He just pulled in," Dave said. "He's by the beach again."
I didn't even say goodbye, I just ran up past the tree and stood there, seeing if he's there.
He was standing there like a statue, watching the waves roll up on shore.
I didn't want to ruin the moment, so I just stood there, watching him while I sat there in the grass.
He turned, and finally saw me.
"Hey," he smiled. He walked back up by the tree, and sat right next to me.
"Hi," I whispered.
"You feeling better? Where did you end up?" he asked
"I feel fine," I said, "I was fine, I got back to the bus."
"I was at my house," he said, "I went there because I was so hammered, and that's where the limo driver took me."
"Well, that's good."
"Im going down to see the guys," he said. "You wanna come with?"
I nodded as we walked down the hill and back around the stage. All the guys were packed and already in the tour bus.
"Well, are you guys coming or not?" Jon shouted out the window.
I laughed, and me and Richie got into the bus, destined to go back to where we belonged.
I was sitting in my room writing away when there was a knock on my door.
"Who is it?" I asked.
"It's Jon," he said as he walked in.
"Don't mind my clothes laying all over the floor," I warned.
He picked up a black, lacy nightgown that I had laying on the floor.
"When are you planning on using this?" he muttered.
"Not with you!" I said without even looking up from my paper.
"Did you tell him?" He asked.
"Tell who?"
"Richie. Did you tell him that we had sex?"
I shook my head, "We aren't sure if we did."
"Uh, I'm pretty sure we did," he muttered. "I woke up in a trance."
"You were drunk. Of course you'd wake up in a trance."
"You need to tell him before he finds it himself."
"He won't. I'll tell him when we are alone again."
Jon raised up the gown again. "Wear this, and he'll forgive you."
I rolled my eyes. "You're such a tease, you know?"
He laughed and rolled his eyes as he stepped back out into the other part of the bus.
I was writing away in my own dreamland. I wrote of how much I was in love with them both and how I could only love one though. I remembered every single moment of everything I did with them. They were my drugs.
Seconds, minutes, hours, days went by. We finally made it to Houston after many stops and some final touches on the new album, 7800° Farehnheit.
I could finally reach my inner self as I walked into the hotel room. I was so free, and I felt so amazing when I got in there. It was like heaven.
I went to get into the shower, and grabbed a towel from the shelf, and went into my bag to grab some clothes for afterwards. When I went to grab my shirt, a note fell out of the sleeve.
I carefully examined it before reading it:
"Dear Kmae,
I understand we aren't a couple, but believe me, I am so in love with you, it isn't even funny. I try and I try to get your attention, I really do, but you're too busy with Richie to see me. I get it. I want you. I'm so badly broken and bruised from all these years of chasing you around and not being able to catch you. Baby, I need you in my arms. I can't say that you love me back, but please. Be mine. There's a certain chance I'd take to have you in my arms tonight. I love you so, so fucking much.
Love you always, Jon."
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Love Lies Chapter 22
"No," he said, "You can't love us both."
I rubbed my head, "But it's true, Jon! It's true!"
He shook his head. "You can't."
The tears started to stain my shirt, "I Can't go on if I'm not with either of you."
He hugged me, and reassured me that he didn't want to let me go. I immediately felt myself trapped between him and Richie.
"Go talk to Richie," Jon said.
I bit my lip, "I don't know if I want to."
"You're going to have to sometime."
I didn't want to face the challenge of seeing him again, but Jon was right. I'd have to see him sometime.
"He's not back yet," I said.
"He'll be back sometime later. We're leaving in a few hours."
I hadn't even looked at the clock. I was just concerned about what may have happened the night before.
"What time is it?" I asked.
"6:30," he said. "I'm not to concerned about leaving at nine."
"Where are we even going?"
"First stop, Houston."
"I've never been to Houston."
"Well you're going."
I wasnt sure if I still wanted to go on tour, so I just shrugged.
"You go outside and see the guys," he said. "I'm pretty sure you'll find something to do."
I smiled as he kissed the top of my forehead with just a little peck. He usually did this when he wanted me to feel better. It was amazing.
Before I went outside, I looked at myself in the mirror. The bruises covering my arms and legs were becoming more and more visual now, and makeup wouldn't even cover them. I felt sick to my stomach, wanting to puke. I ran to the bathroom, and let it all out.
When I was done, I saw Jon standing in the doorway.
"Are you sure you're okay?" he asked.
"I'm fine," I mumbled.
He studied my arms and legs, looking at each and every bruise.
"I didn't mean to hurt you, sweetie," he said with worry in his voice, "but I get crazy when I'm drunk."
I showed him the scratching marks on my arms and on my shoulders.
"I hope I didn't get you pregnant."
I looked at him, and made a face. "I'm on something. Don't worry."
He made a "phew" noise. "But what are we going to do about these scratches and bruises on your arms?"
"I don't have my jackets in here," I said. They were all still in my car.
"Well, I've got a superman sweatshirt," Jon said, going into the other room and grabbing the sweatshirt.
"Are you sure? Your mom got it for you," I said, putting it on.
"It's fine."
I smiled and put it on. "What about my legs?"
He studied my legs, "Wow. I really did cause you some damage."
"I'll just tell them I ran into a few tables when I stumbled out."
"I kind of remember carrying you," Jon admitted.
"I was hammered," I laughed.
He laughed, and then followed me out of the tour bus.
I rubbed my head, "But it's true, Jon! It's true!"
He shook his head. "You can't."
The tears started to stain my shirt, "I Can't go on if I'm not with either of you."
He hugged me, and reassured me that he didn't want to let me go. I immediately felt myself trapped between him and Richie.
"Go talk to Richie," Jon said.
I bit my lip, "I don't know if I want to."
"You're going to have to sometime."
I didn't want to face the challenge of seeing him again, but Jon was right. I'd have to see him sometime.
"He's not back yet," I said.
"He'll be back sometime later. We're leaving in a few hours."
I hadn't even looked at the clock. I was just concerned about what may have happened the night before.
"What time is it?" I asked.
"6:30," he said. "I'm not to concerned about leaving at nine."
"Where are we even going?"
"First stop, Houston."
"I've never been to Houston."
"Well you're going."
I wasnt sure if I still wanted to go on tour, so I just shrugged.
"You go outside and see the guys," he said. "I'm pretty sure you'll find something to do."
I smiled as he kissed the top of my forehead with just a little peck. He usually did this when he wanted me to feel better. It was amazing.
Before I went outside, I looked at myself in the mirror. The bruises covering my arms and legs were becoming more and more visual now, and makeup wouldn't even cover them. I felt sick to my stomach, wanting to puke. I ran to the bathroom, and let it all out.
When I was done, I saw Jon standing in the doorway.
"Are you sure you're okay?" he asked.
"I'm fine," I mumbled.
He studied my arms and legs, looking at each and every bruise.
"I didn't mean to hurt you, sweetie," he said with worry in his voice, "but I get crazy when I'm drunk."
I showed him the scratching marks on my arms and on my shoulders.
"I hope I didn't get you pregnant."
I looked at him, and made a face. "I'm on something. Don't worry."
He made a "phew" noise. "But what are we going to do about these scratches and bruises on your arms?"
"I don't have my jackets in here," I said. They were all still in my car.
"Well, I've got a superman sweatshirt," Jon said, going into the other room and grabbing the sweatshirt.
"Are you sure? Your mom got it for you," I said, putting it on.
"It's fine."
I smiled and put it on. "What about my legs?"
He studied my legs, "Wow. I really did cause you some damage."
"I'll just tell them I ran into a few tables when I stumbled out."
"I kind of remember carrying you," Jon admitted.
"I was hammered," I laughed.
He laughed, and then followed me out of the tour bus.
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Love Lies Chapter 21
"No, Jon," I said, "It's just too risk-"
He interrupted me by kissing me head on in the lips. I tried to pull away, but the tention between our kiss rose up over all the other kisses I had recieved in the friendship of me and Richie. Me and Richie hand actually been dating yet, but we were friends with benefits. Yes, he kissed me, we had moments together, but I enjoyed them too much to lose them to Jon.
He wrapped his hands in my messy bun I had my hair in, and pulled the hair band out. My messy/curly hair fell down my back and we kissed under the moonlight in my car. It was amazing.
But then, the next day, he told me that he didn't want to ever do anything like that to him again. I was so devastated, I threw the ring down the drain in the school bathroom, and laid there and cried until there were no more tears.
In the tour bus: 1984
I could remember that day so clearly. It was like I couldn't erase any of it from my mind. I was so confused.
I felt myself break down right there in the tour bus, with Jon just in the other room. I felt tears roll down my cheeks, and just let them out.
"Kmae? Are you alright?" Jon said as he rushed into the bedroom.
All my feelings of love and hate towards Jon just spilled out.
"I can't handle it anymore!" I yelled. "Jon, I freaking love you, but what happened between us doesn't matter anymore. I love Richie. I can't handle you guys both loving me. Just tell me right now if you love or hate me. Hit or miss, just tell me goddammit!"
He looked at me, "Listen. You'll always be my dream come true, I live for your smile. I basically die inside when you touch me, but I know that whatever happened to us last night and at prom, is, is over. I can't be like this with you anymore. Yes, at times we were very intimate. I get that. But we can't go behind Richie's back anymore."
"All those years, I couldn't apprehend if I loved you or Richie. In my heart, it was both of you." I cried.
He interrupted me by kissing me head on in the lips. I tried to pull away, but the tention between our kiss rose up over all the other kisses I had recieved in the friendship of me and Richie. Me and Richie hand actually been dating yet, but we were friends with benefits. Yes, he kissed me, we had moments together, but I enjoyed them too much to lose them to Jon.
He wrapped his hands in my messy bun I had my hair in, and pulled the hair band out. My messy/curly hair fell down my back and we kissed under the moonlight in my car. It was amazing.
But then, the next day, he told me that he didn't want to ever do anything like that to him again. I was so devastated, I threw the ring down the drain in the school bathroom, and laid there and cried until there were no more tears.
In the tour bus: 1984
I could remember that day so clearly. It was like I couldn't erase any of it from my mind. I was so confused.
I felt myself break down right there in the tour bus, with Jon just in the other room. I felt tears roll down my cheeks, and just let them out.
"Kmae? Are you alright?" Jon said as he rushed into the bedroom.
All my feelings of love and hate towards Jon just spilled out.
"I can't handle it anymore!" I yelled. "Jon, I freaking love you, but what happened between us doesn't matter anymore. I love Richie. I can't handle you guys both loving me. Just tell me right now if you love or hate me. Hit or miss, just tell me goddammit!"
He looked at me, "Listen. You'll always be my dream come true, I live for your smile. I basically die inside when you touch me, but I know that whatever happened to us last night and at prom, is, is over. I can't be like this with you anymore. Yes, at times we were very intimate. I get that. But we can't go behind Richie's back anymore."
"All those years, I couldn't apprehend if I loved you or Richie. In my heart, it was both of you." I cried.
Love Lies Chapter 20
"Hey Kmae," Jon asked from the kitchen, "are you hungry?"
"Not really," I yelled to him.
"Come on," he said back, "you haven't eaten anything for a day. Or from at least what I saw."
He was right. I hadn't eaten in almost two days, and I wasn't feeling the best.
"I'm a little hungry," I admitted.
He laughed, "I knew you couldn't lie to me."
"Oh believe me," I said, "You've lied to me before."
He looked at me from the kitchen doorway, "What?"
"Remember that time when you told me that we'd be together forever?"
He looked down, and I could see him getting sad. He didn't know what to say.
"You told me a lie then," I said. "We weren't together forever. It only lasted one night."
He went back into the kitchen without saying a word. I knew he regretted everything that had happened. I sat on the bed and remembered the night at Prom when he had told me that...
Prom: 1979
"Kmae," Jon whispered in my ear, "I love you."
I was so overworked. I didn't know if he was lying to me or he was actually telling me the truth.
"Follow me," I whispered back, and took his hand, leading him into the hallway.
"Where are we going?" he asked. I shushed him, and we went out the back door. My dark purple dress was blowing in the breeze while we went out to my car.
I climbed into the backseat, with Jon following me.
"Now we can talk," I said.
He looked me in the eyes, "I really do love you."
"I can't do this to Richie," I said.
He took my hand and slid a ring onto it. "This is a promise ring, we'll be together forever."
I shook my head, "No Jon. I can't do this to Richie."
Jon kissed my hand, "Please? Richie doesn't have to know."
"Not really," I yelled to him.
"Come on," he said back, "you haven't eaten anything for a day. Or from at least what I saw."
He was right. I hadn't eaten in almost two days, and I wasn't feeling the best.
"I'm a little hungry," I admitted.
He laughed, "I knew you couldn't lie to me."
"Oh believe me," I said, "You've lied to me before."
He looked at me from the kitchen doorway, "What?"
"Remember that time when you told me that we'd be together forever?"
He looked down, and I could see him getting sad. He didn't know what to say.
"You told me a lie then," I said. "We weren't together forever. It only lasted one night."
He went back into the kitchen without saying a word. I knew he regretted everything that had happened. I sat on the bed and remembered the night at Prom when he had told me that...
Prom: 1979
"Kmae," Jon whispered in my ear, "I love you."
I was so overworked. I didn't know if he was lying to me or he was actually telling me the truth.
"Follow me," I whispered back, and took his hand, leading him into the hallway.
"Where are we going?" he asked. I shushed him, and we went out the back door. My dark purple dress was blowing in the breeze while we went out to my car.
I climbed into the backseat, with Jon following me.
"Now we can talk," I said.
He looked me in the eyes, "I really do love you."
"I can't do this to Richie," I said.
He took my hand and slid a ring onto it. "This is a promise ring, we'll be together forever."
I shook my head, "No Jon. I can't do this to Richie."
Jon kissed my hand, "Please? Richie doesn't have to know."
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Love Lies Chapter 19
As I walked into the tour bus, I could hear him puking in the bathroom. I made sure he was okay, and slightly opened the door.
He had changed into ripped denim skinny jeans, and a blue sweatshirt. I put my hand on his back as he continued to puke.
"Are you okay?" I finally asked when he was done.
He shook his head, "I feel like shit."
"I have Tylenol," I said as I went back into the bedroom.
I dug under the bed and found my makeup bag.
He walked out of the bathroom. "I've got a headache the size of a bowling ball."
"Me too," I handed him a Tylenol and I took one too.
He smiled at the thought, "I don't remember anything really."
"David told me a lot of it, but you were basically drunk when I got there."
"Damn vodka," He muttered. "How did we get back to the bus?"
"That's what I'm wondering," I said, "but we need to keep this secret."
"Why?" He asked.
"Uh, hello!? If Richie figures out that I had a one night stand with you he'd murder me," I explained, "yes, I understand that me and you have...yeah...but seriously, if he finds out, we'll be dead."
"Prom night," he laughed, "that night was awesome."
"But remember when Richie found out? He wanted to murder me!"
"He wanted to kill me," Jon said, "but hey, it was fun."
I rolled my eyes, "but seriously. We cannot tell him. Help me clean up this bus."
He rolled his eyes, and tried to get a kiss.
"Didn't you get enough last night?" I muttered.
"Yes, but I always want more."
I pushed him away as we both got up and finally cleaned the bus. There were at least 3 bottles of pure vodka laying empty under the bed, so I held one up for Jon to see.
"You cannot have anymore of this," I said, "You turn into a complete monster."
"I also have good times when I drink," he shot back. "Memorable times."
I shook my head and continued cleaning.
"Hey, what's this?" Jon asked as he pulled up an old photo album from under my bed.
I walked over to him and looked through the book, "That's the pictures from Prom, and that beach vacation you, me, Bobby, and Richie went on."
"Lemma was there too," Jon said, reffering to David. He pointed to our picture at prom, where Jon had tilted me down and gave me a big kiss on the lips.
"I swear," I said, "that we were the only couple that did that."
"Good times," He laughed. He pointed to a picture of me and Richie, heads on eachother's shoulders, and looking into the sun.
"I miss that," I said.
"Who doesn't?" He said, "I honestly miss you're coupleness."
"Coupleness?" I asked, laughing.
"Yeah, it's my new made up word." He laughed, and we continued looking through memory lane.
Love Lies Chapter 18
I stepped into the room. He was still sound asleep, but the bottle had fallen from his chest and spilt all over the floor. I cleaned it up, trying to hide the stains that showed up on the carpet.
I grabbed my sunglasses and went outside, trying to see if I could find Richie. The sun seemed awfully bright, seeming that it was July, and I couldn't see worth a shit. I decided to put my hair up in a bun, and walked over to the broken mirrors that were in the lobby of the old stage.
"Kmae?" I heard behind me. I spun around and saw David standing behind me, eyeing me like I did something wrong.
"That is my name," I stated, turning back around. I think I was suffering from hangover snottyness.
He eyed me again, pursing his lips. "What did you do last night?"
"I actually don't know," I said, "but whatever it was, I'm suffering for it today."
"Where's Jon?"
That was the question I was fearing. I didn't want to say anything about what may have happened last night, and what could happen in the future.
"He did leave with you last night," David said, "I think Richie was too drunk and passed out to notice."
"I don't know," I said, lying. I was actually a good liar when it came to lying to David. I had lied to him alot--which sounds bad, but it was true.
He eyed the bruises on my arms, "Did what I think happened last night, happen?"
I pulled him over to the corner of the stage, trying to shush him.
"Okay, listen," I whispered to him, "you cannot tell anyone ANYTHING. I've been working my ass off to earn Richie back and I don't want this to screw up anymore." I stopped, to see if he was listening.
He nodded and I continued.
"I can't understand why nobody even stopped me from going with him," I stated.
"We tried," he argued, "you guys were both drunk. Believe me, we knew something was going to happen. You guys kept almost making out while you were there."
"Where was Richie?" I worried. I didn't want him to know.
"He went out for a smoke, and well, never came back in," David said, "I went outside and found him passed out. You guys left right before I came back in. I could see you from the alley."
"Oh shit," I muttered. "Nobody else saw, right?"
"Not that I know of," He explained. "But I think we all knew what was coming. I made sure that the guys didn't tell Richie anything."
I hugged David. "Thank you so much. I don't want the tention to heat up between us."
"You were...protected right?" He asked.
I rolled my eyes, "Yes, I am."
"Good. We don't need any little Jovi's running around here, 'kay? Wait for a while." He laughed.
I laughed too. "So, where is Richie anyways?"
"He's at home," David said, "getting ready."
I was just so relieved to know that Richie didn't see anything. I was freaking out inside until David said that he didn't see anything. I was so glad. I knew that it was wrong from hiding it from Richie, but it was only going to be hidden until I finally got the guts to tell him.
"We're leaving at 9," David said.
"What time is it now?" I asked. I actually didn't know.
"About 6 A.M., but we will have everything on the tour bus cleaned by then, okay?" He laughed, "Why don't you go wake Jon up, okay?"
"Okay, but don't tell anyone. Alright? Even if they do know."
"Alright. Just go wake up that monster. He turns into a beast when he's cranky, hungry and has a hangover. But you may have given his appetite a rest. You know what I mean." He laughed.
I proceeded by slapping him, and shooed him away as I went to check on Jon.
Love Lies Chapter 17
"I do too," Richie smiled.
I looked him in the eyes, "You wanna know something?"
"Anything," he smiled.
"I feel like a stranger when I'm with you," I said. "I don't know what it is, I just don't feel like me."
"Is that good?"
"I honestly think so," I smiled, "it feels like I'm in my own fantasy world."
He laughed, "I'm there too."
We talked for a bit longer, just pouring our feelings out about each other, and watching the waves roll up onto the shore that was lit up by lights from the boardwalk, with the moon hanging slightly above the horizon.
"Do you want to go down to the bar with us?" Richie asked.
I smiled, "Yeah. I think I need a drink."
He laughed, and we walked back down to the bus.
"Where have you guys been?" Tico asked.
Richie pointed up to the trees. "We were down by the beach."
"Did you guys make up?" David asked, holding a drink in his hand.
"Yeah," I said, "we're going down to the bar now I guess."
"Jon and Alec are there," Tico said with a cigarette in his mouth.
"Y'all coming with?" I asked.
David nodded, "We can all go together."
At the bar, I spotted Jon and Alec sitting in the corner of the bar. There wasn't anyone else here, in fear that they'd be attacked by fans.
"Hey ya'll!" Jon hooted, clearly getting drunk.
I rolled my eyes as I sat next to him and he laid his head down on my shoulder.
"Jon," I pleaded, pushing him away.
"What?" he laughed drunkly.
The waiter brought over another drink for Alec, and set a shot next to Jon.
"What will you have, Hun?" she asked me.
"Caramel Apple Pie," I said. It was a mixed drink I used to drink in Iowa.
"That sounds good," Richie said from across the table, "I'll have one too."
"Anything else?" she asked. David and Tico ordered, and then we all started talking.
"So," I said, "are you guys planning on making a music video anytime soon?"
"We're going to make one for Only Lonely for sure." Tico said.
"What about Silent Night?" David said, "I love that song," he smiled.
"You know something?" Jon said from across the table, with a drunken voice, "I obviously wrote that song for Kmae."
I looked at him, and back at Richie. "What?"
"I did," he reassured me.
"Jon," Richie said, "just be quiet. You don't know what you're talking about."
I didn't want them to get into another fight, so I just sat back and was quiet. The waiter brought back out drinks, and I sipped slowly on mine, but then I got switched to drink after drink.
A few hours must've passed. I was hammered. I didn't remember anything. I just remember Richie telling me to "cool it" on the drinks. I ignored him, drinking mixed drinks and shots like there was no tomorrow. I couldn't even remember leaving, or getting anywhere in that matter.
My eyes shot open. I didn't recognize where I was, so I sat up. I had nothing on, freezing to death when I woke up. I had somehow gotten on the tour bus, but was unaware of who helped me. I heard slight snoring next to me, so I looked over. I had to blink a few times to realize who was right next to me. Jon, completely nude, laying neatly next to me with a bottle of vodka laying on his chest.
"What the hell?" I said out loud. I rubbed my head, feeling so sick to my stomach. I ran to the bathroom, throwing up everything. I felt so dirty. I didn't know what happened last night, but whatever it was, Richie wouldn't be happy with me.
I went back into the bedroom, where Jon still laid sound asleep. I looked all over for my clothes, which I finally found strung up over the top of the bus' cabinets. I grabbed all of them, and stopped to look at myself in the mirror. I had scrapes on my knees and bruises all over my body, but mostly on my back where you could see fingerprints like someone had grabbed my shoulders and dug their fingernails in.
My clothes were soaked in vodka, so I threw them into the hamper and grabbed new ones from my bag. I needed new clothes badly, because all I really had were old band t-shirts and short shorts, a few pairs of cowgirl boots and Converse sneakers, and the occasional cowboy hat. They were my life.
I pulled on an old AC/DC TNT shirt and another pair of cowboy boots that were wearing out, and then a pair of short shorts. I went back into the bedroom, in fear of Jon puking or something.
I looked him in the eyes, "You wanna know something?"
"Anything," he smiled.
"I feel like a stranger when I'm with you," I said. "I don't know what it is, I just don't feel like me."
"Is that good?"
"I honestly think so," I smiled, "it feels like I'm in my own fantasy world."
He laughed, "I'm there too."
We talked for a bit longer, just pouring our feelings out about each other, and watching the waves roll up onto the shore that was lit up by lights from the boardwalk, with the moon hanging slightly above the horizon.
"Do you want to go down to the bar with us?" Richie asked.
I smiled, "Yeah. I think I need a drink."
He laughed, and we walked back down to the bus.
"Where have you guys been?" Tico asked.
Richie pointed up to the trees. "We were down by the beach."
"Did you guys make up?" David asked, holding a drink in his hand.
"Yeah," I said, "we're going down to the bar now I guess."
"Jon and Alec are there," Tico said with a cigarette in his mouth.
"Y'all coming with?" I asked.
David nodded, "We can all go together."
At the bar, I spotted Jon and Alec sitting in the corner of the bar. There wasn't anyone else here, in fear that they'd be attacked by fans.
"Hey ya'll!" Jon hooted, clearly getting drunk.
I rolled my eyes as I sat next to him and he laid his head down on my shoulder.
"Jon," I pleaded, pushing him away.
"What?" he laughed drunkly.
The waiter brought over another drink for Alec, and set a shot next to Jon.
"What will you have, Hun?" she asked me.
"Caramel Apple Pie," I said. It was a mixed drink I used to drink in Iowa.
"That sounds good," Richie said from across the table, "I'll have one too."
"Anything else?" she asked. David and Tico ordered, and then we all started talking.
"So," I said, "are you guys planning on making a music video anytime soon?"
"We're going to make one for Only Lonely for sure." Tico said.
"What about Silent Night?" David said, "I love that song," he smiled.
"You know something?" Jon said from across the table, with a drunken voice, "I obviously wrote that song for Kmae."
I looked at him, and back at Richie. "What?"
"I did," he reassured me.
"Jon," Richie said, "just be quiet. You don't know what you're talking about."
I didn't want them to get into another fight, so I just sat back and was quiet. The waiter brought back out drinks, and I sipped slowly on mine, but then I got switched to drink after drink.
A few hours must've passed. I was hammered. I didn't remember anything. I just remember Richie telling me to "cool it" on the drinks. I ignored him, drinking mixed drinks and shots like there was no tomorrow. I couldn't even remember leaving, or getting anywhere in that matter.
My eyes shot open. I didn't recognize where I was, so I sat up. I had nothing on, freezing to death when I woke up. I had somehow gotten on the tour bus, but was unaware of who helped me. I heard slight snoring next to me, so I looked over. I had to blink a few times to realize who was right next to me. Jon, completely nude, laying neatly next to me with a bottle of vodka laying on his chest.
"What the hell?" I said out loud. I rubbed my head, feeling so sick to my stomach. I ran to the bathroom, throwing up everything. I felt so dirty. I didn't know what happened last night, but whatever it was, Richie wouldn't be happy with me.
I went back into the bedroom, where Jon still laid sound asleep. I looked all over for my clothes, which I finally found strung up over the top of the bus' cabinets. I grabbed all of them, and stopped to look at myself in the mirror. I had scrapes on my knees and bruises all over my body, but mostly on my back where you could see fingerprints like someone had grabbed my shoulders and dug their fingernails in.
My clothes were soaked in vodka, so I threw them into the hamper and grabbed new ones from my bag. I needed new clothes badly, because all I really had were old band t-shirts and short shorts, a few pairs of cowgirl boots and Converse sneakers, and the occasional cowboy hat. They were my life.
I pulled on an old AC/DC TNT shirt and another pair of cowboy boots that were wearing out, and then a pair of short shorts. I went back into the bedroom, in fear of Jon puking or something.
Friday, January 13, 2012
Love Lies Chapter 16
He looked at me, and I poured my thoughts out.
"I think," I stated, "that for right now, we should be friends. After a while, yes, we can go back to being a couple. Richie, I understand you love me. Believe me, I love you too, but I cannot get back with you until I figure out that I can handle it. Do you not agree?"
He nodded, "I think that's a good plan. But, are you going to date Jon?"
I shrugged, "If we just are, friends with benefits, like we are now, I don't know if I want to ruin it for a friendship. I've been friends with both of you for a very long time. I can't just leave you, and then date Jon. That'd be like you dating my best friend."
"Yeah, but I wouldn't date me or Jon," he laughed. They were my best friends. I couldn't ruin me and Richie's chances of getting back together.
I laughed, and hugged him. "I'm glad you understand."
"I'm glad you explained it to me."
I put my head on his shoulder, and looked down at the lights on the boardwalk. They were shining like the night Richie asked me out, and I said yes after he had won me a stuffed bear off of the games on the boardwalk.
"I remember," He stated, "that night when you told me you loved me for the first time; that was magical."
"I do too," I smiled. "I miss that."
Love Lies Chapter 15
I walked up to the bedside, grabbing the note. It read: "Kmae, I understand that we've had our differences. I understand that we haven't been the best of friends, or partners in that matter. But I can't see us fighting like this anymore. I understand you're moving on. Who hasn't? But I don't want to fight anymore. If you want to talk, I'll be over by the water."
I was forgiving him inside my head, but part of me wasn't sure about this. I didn't know if I was physically or emotionally. I couldn't decide whether to forgive or forget him. I decided to just go talk to him.
I went up ontop of the hill, the grass greener then day, and I could feel the soil, moist under my feet. I loved this. I hadn't seen or touched hardly any grass since I was in Iowa, almost 10 years ago. I missed the nature, the feeling you get when you stepped outside. I was only 22. What did they expect of me? I wasn't Superman. I was just a cowgirl, destined to see the nature part of the world again. Stuck in a romance that I couldn't seem to lose.
I went up by the tree that silently rested ontop of the hill. I looked down at Richie, standing on the bottom of the hill, watching the waves roll onto the sandy beach. I sat down beside the tree, just watching him. I didn't want to ruin this moment. It was like a fairytale, he looked like a prince.
I think about twenty minutes went by before he actually looked and noticed me. The sun was finally falling below the horizon, being that it was 8:30 P.M.
He walked up, with a bottle of booze in his hand. He looked at me and smiled, "How long have you been here?"
"Long enough," I smiled.
He laughed and sat beside me, throwing the bottle down the hill. I watched as it rolled all the way down, landing just before the sandy shoreline.
"Are you okay?" He asked.
I nodded, glad that he had asked. "Yeah, I'm fine. I've only cried a lot."
"A million tears make an ocean," He looked at me.
I couldn't bear myself to look at him in the eyes. They would make me melt. I couldn't do it.
"Umm," I said, trying to change the subject, "we leave tomorrow?"
He nodded, taking out a fresh cigarette and lighting it. "Yeah, you're going, right?"
I nodded too. "Yeah, I'm planning on it, unless if someone doesn't want me to go."
"I want you to go," he reassured me, "you obviously read my note."
"Yeah," I smiled, "I liked it."
"Well?"
I didn't know what to say. I wanted to take him back, so, so bad. But I wouldn't let myself do it. I didn't want to screw anything else up. I had already ruined our relationship. I didn't want to hurt anymore feelings, but I wasn't who I wanted to be, I wanted to be the girl with Richie again.
"I," I paused, "I think I've come to a choice."
Love Lies Chapter 14
My boots crunched beneath me on the gravel road. There wasn't hardly anyone out here, so I went into the tour bus to straighten up my makeup and my hair.
I grabbed my makeup bag from underneath the single bed they had in the bus, which would be mine because I was the only female on the whole trip. Jon said if I would get back together with Richie, he'd probably sleep in that room with me.
I looked over at the night table and saw a picture frame tipped over, with a cracked glass covering.
I walked over to it, scooping it up in my hands. The frame was so shattered that I couldn't even see the picture. Taking away excess glass, I could see the picture of me and Richie. It was a picture of us in Paris last year, with Richie's arms wrapped around me.
I felt really emotional when I saw that. I don't know what hit me, but whatever it was, I couldn't stop it. I broke down crying. I was in need of Richie. I didn't want to fight, I didn't want to die. I just wanted plain and simple Richie. I knew that I loved him and Jon, but there was a place in my heart that Richie had left a mark on, and I couldn't get over it.
The door opened on the bus, so I hid in the closest. I didn't say anything, knowing that I didn't want anyone to see me cry.
There was a crack in the door, so I peaked out through it to see who was at the door. It was who I feared that it was, Richie.
He put his clothes under the bed and sat down. He looked down at the cracked photo frame that laid on the bed with the few shards of glass that laid in the way. He picked it up and studied it, and I could see the sadness in his eyes as he rubbed them.
He didn't say anything, but he grabbed a piece of paper from his pocket and began writing. I watched him write every curl on the paper.
When he got done writing, he folded the paper up and laid it down on the shattered picture.
Then he walked out, leaving behind the note for me to read.
I waited a minute to make sure he wasn't coming back in for awhile, and then I got up and out of the closet.
I went across the room, eager to read his note.
I grabbed my makeup bag from underneath the single bed they had in the bus, which would be mine because I was the only female on the whole trip. Jon said if I would get back together with Richie, he'd probably sleep in that room with me.
I looked over at the night table and saw a picture frame tipped over, with a cracked glass covering.
I walked over to it, scooping it up in my hands. The frame was so shattered that I couldn't even see the picture. Taking away excess glass, I could see the picture of me and Richie. It was a picture of us in Paris last year, with Richie's arms wrapped around me.
I felt really emotional when I saw that. I don't know what hit me, but whatever it was, I couldn't stop it. I broke down crying. I was in need of Richie. I didn't want to fight, I didn't want to die. I just wanted plain and simple Richie. I knew that I loved him and Jon, but there was a place in my heart that Richie had left a mark on, and I couldn't get over it.
The door opened on the bus, so I hid in the closest. I didn't say anything, knowing that I didn't want anyone to see me cry.
There was a crack in the door, so I peaked out through it to see who was at the door. It was who I feared that it was, Richie.
He put his clothes under the bed and sat down. He looked down at the cracked photo frame that laid on the bed with the few shards of glass that laid in the way. He picked it up and studied it, and I could see the sadness in his eyes as he rubbed them.
He didn't say anything, but he grabbed a piece of paper from his pocket and began writing. I watched him write every curl on the paper.
When he got done writing, he folded the paper up and laid it down on the shattered picture.
Then he walked out, leaving behind the note for me to read.
I waited a minute to make sure he wasn't coming back in for awhile, and then I got up and out of the closet.
I went across the room, eager to read his note.
Love Lies Chapter 13
I laid my head on his chest, and instantly felt relieved. He always had that way of making me feel better, through thick and thin.
I realized as I sat there in his arms, that we were actually friends...with benefits. I couldn't help but remember all the times we had been together, and I loved him. But he wouldn't take that chance. He wouldn't date me. Even if I was falling on love with him.
"Kmae, do you feel better?" he whispered to me.
I nodded, trying to not melt like a candle in his arms. I buried my head in his shoulder, and wrapped my arms around his neck.
"Don't let Richie get to you," Jon said as he held me close.
"He lied to me," I said finally as I cleared my throat, "he never loved me."
"Of course he did," Jon explained to me softly.
I shook my head, "No, he didn't. He didn't want you to have me. I was lied to."
Jon shrugged, "Kmae, you've gotta understand, he can't always be Mr. Nice Guy. He's got feelings too."
"Obviously not towards me," I wiped my eyes as I looked up at Jon.
"He's just not used to the fact that we're having someone else on the 7800° Fahrenheit tour. He'll loosen up by the time we're on the road again, okay?"
I hugged him, and laughed when he found the spot in my neck that he always touched that made me laugh.
"When do we leave?" I asked.
He smiled, "Tomorrow, but he'll be fine until then. Do you want me to go talk to him?"
I shrugged, "I don't want it to ruin your friendship anymore..."
"Oh please," he laughed, "he wouldn't leave, he's the lead guitarist."
Jon got up, and took my hand to help me up. He held onto my hand, leading me out into the lower level of the stage.
"You go get ready," Jon said, "I'll be talking to Richie."
I nodded, doing what was commanded, and walked away, hoping things would turn out to be okay.
I realized as I sat there in his arms, that we were actually friends...with benefits. I couldn't help but remember all the times we had been together, and I loved him. But he wouldn't take that chance. He wouldn't date me. Even if I was falling on love with him.
"Kmae, do you feel better?" he whispered to me.
I nodded, trying to not melt like a candle in his arms. I buried my head in his shoulder, and wrapped my arms around his neck.
"Don't let Richie get to you," Jon said as he held me close.
"He lied to me," I said finally as I cleared my throat, "he never loved me."
"Of course he did," Jon explained to me softly.
I shook my head, "No, he didn't. He didn't want you to have me. I was lied to."
Jon shrugged, "Kmae, you've gotta understand, he can't always be Mr. Nice Guy. He's got feelings too."
"Obviously not towards me," I wiped my eyes as I looked up at Jon.
"He's just not used to the fact that we're having someone else on the 7800° Fahrenheit tour. He'll loosen up by the time we're on the road again, okay?"
I hugged him, and laughed when he found the spot in my neck that he always touched that made me laugh.
"When do we leave?" I asked.
He smiled, "Tomorrow, but he'll be fine until then. Do you want me to go talk to him?"
I shrugged, "I don't want it to ruin your friendship anymore..."
"Oh please," he laughed, "he wouldn't leave, he's the lead guitarist."
Jon got up, and took my hand to help me up. He held onto my hand, leading me out into the lower level of the stage.
"You go get ready," Jon said, "I'll be talking to Richie."
I nodded, doing what was commanded, and walked away, hoping things would turn out to be okay.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Love Lies Chapter 12
He just looked up at me, and didn't say a word.
I ran from him, with tears flowing from my cheeks, and I hid in the top balcony of the old abandoned stage.
Among the rows of old, dusty chairs, I sat in a small one in the way back. I cried my eyes out, hearing him say the words, "I still love you," repeat over and over inside my head. I couldn't help but think, why would he say that? Why would he lie to me all of these years? I never lied to him. My love for him was true.
"Jon can't be doing this bullshit anymore," I heard Richie say, talking to someone down on the lower part of the stage.
"Richie, calm down," David's voice echoed, "she's at least telling you what she felt."
"He's brainwashed her."
I couldn't believe that Richie thought Jon brainwashed me. I loved them both! They wouldnt ever lose their friendship over me, would they?
I slumped against the wall. I looked down at the necklace Richie had given me, and held it tight in my hands as the tears started to flow again and again. Each memory played like a flashback through my mind. Me and Richie at the beach, me and Richie's nights of pure love. They all came back to me like I had just died, and was seeing a slideshow of my life. Him and Jon were my life, even if I wasn't there's.
"Kmae?" I heard behind me.
I quickly turned away, knowing it was Jon. I didnt want him seeing me like this. I was a wreck.
"Kmae," he said softy, "I know you're here."
I didn't say a word as he hopped down from the cherrywood steps that creaked, wearing pink and purple Converse sneakers.
I felt a hand on my back, trying to soothe me.
"Listen," he said, "it'll all be okay."
"No it won't!" I cried, "I can't even feel my heart beat anymore, nonetheless feel my pulse. He ruined it for me!"
"Kmae, you're just going to have to calm down for a bit," he said, "then we can talk about it, okay?"
I nodded, letting my body fall into his. He caught me, helping me to calm down enough to talk it over.
I ran from him, with tears flowing from my cheeks, and I hid in the top balcony of the old abandoned stage.
Among the rows of old, dusty chairs, I sat in a small one in the way back. I cried my eyes out, hearing him say the words, "I still love you," repeat over and over inside my head. I couldn't help but think, why would he say that? Why would he lie to me all of these years? I never lied to him. My love for him was true.
"Jon can't be doing this bullshit anymore," I heard Richie say, talking to someone down on the lower part of the stage.
"Richie, calm down," David's voice echoed, "she's at least telling you what she felt."
"He's brainwashed her."
I couldn't believe that Richie thought Jon brainwashed me. I loved them both! They wouldnt ever lose their friendship over me, would they?
I slumped against the wall. I looked down at the necklace Richie had given me, and held it tight in my hands as the tears started to flow again and again. Each memory played like a flashback through my mind. Me and Richie at the beach, me and Richie's nights of pure love. They all came back to me like I had just died, and was seeing a slideshow of my life. Him and Jon were my life, even if I wasn't there's.
"Kmae?" I heard behind me.
I quickly turned away, knowing it was Jon. I didnt want him seeing me like this. I was a wreck.
"Kmae," he said softy, "I know you're here."
I didn't say a word as he hopped down from the cherrywood steps that creaked, wearing pink and purple Converse sneakers.
I felt a hand on my back, trying to soothe me.
"Listen," he said, "it'll all be okay."
"No it won't!" I cried, "I can't even feel my heart beat anymore, nonetheless feel my pulse. He ruined it for me!"
"Kmae, you're just going to have to calm down for a bit," he said, "then we can talk about it, okay?"
I nodded, letting my body fall into his. He caught me, helping me to calm down enough to talk it over.
Love Lies Chapter 11
I didn't know what to say as I stood before him.
He looked back up at me with those brown eyes, and I could see them start welling up with tears.
"I still love you," he whispered.
I was shocked. "What?"
"You were my everything."
I couldn't believe it. I wasn't sure if he was lying or if he was just telling the simple truth.
"Richie," I tried to explain, "its not that I don't want to be with you, it's just that I don't want to hurt you again," I whispered slowly.
"Don't want to hurt me?" he questioned. "When have you ever hurt me?"
"Today," I said. "I called you an asshole."
He looked back down again, realizing that indeed, he had also called me a bitch.
"I think," I paused, "It'd be a healthier friendship. Do you not agree?"
"No," he whispered, with his head still down. "I've probably never told you this, but you're what I live for."
He hadn't ever said that to me. I was so speechless. But, I had to stick to my guns. We couldn't date again.
"Richie," I said. "I just don't like who I am when I'm with you."
"Has Jon brainwashed you?" he suddenly said, angrily.
I looked at him like he was nuts.
"Brainwashed? Me?"
"He wants you," he clenched his fists, "he doesn't want me to get in the way of you and him."
"No!" I cried, forcing myself to look at him straight in the face, "It's not like that!"
"Sure it isn't," he said.
"You've changed," I yelled at him, "you aren't the same. You're not the Richie Sambora I dated for three years. That Richie, that Richie was my love. You, you're nothing but an evil bastard that wants me to believe your lies!"
He looked at me in disgust, but I continued on.
"You never loved me," I cried while the tears practically flew down my cheeks. "You never wanted me to be with Jon. That's the only reason you dated me."
"That's not true," he disagreed.
"The fuck it ain't!" I yelled.
"Fine," he suddenly gave up, "I didn't want you to be with Jon. Are you happy?"
My heart sunk in my chest, as the tears stained my cheeks.
"All these years," I cried, "they were all lies?"
He looked back up at me with those brown eyes, and I could see them start welling up with tears.
"I still love you," he whispered.
I was shocked. "What?"
"You were my everything."
I couldn't believe it. I wasn't sure if he was lying or if he was just telling the simple truth.
"Richie," I tried to explain, "its not that I don't want to be with you, it's just that I don't want to hurt you again," I whispered slowly.
"Don't want to hurt me?" he questioned. "When have you ever hurt me?"
"Today," I said. "I called you an asshole."
He looked back down again, realizing that indeed, he had also called me a bitch.
"I think," I paused, "It'd be a healthier friendship. Do you not agree?"
"No," he whispered, with his head still down. "I've probably never told you this, but you're what I live for."
He hadn't ever said that to me. I was so speechless. But, I had to stick to my guns. We couldn't date again.
"Richie," I said. "I just don't like who I am when I'm with you."
"Has Jon brainwashed you?" he suddenly said, angrily.
I looked at him like he was nuts.
"Brainwashed? Me?"
"He wants you," he clenched his fists, "he doesn't want me to get in the way of you and him."
"No!" I cried, forcing myself to look at him straight in the face, "It's not like that!"
"Sure it isn't," he said.
"You've changed," I yelled at him, "you aren't the same. You're not the Richie Sambora I dated for three years. That Richie, that Richie was my love. You, you're nothing but an evil bastard that wants me to believe your lies!"
He looked at me in disgust, but I continued on.
"You never loved me," I cried while the tears practically flew down my cheeks. "You never wanted me to be with Jon. That's the only reason you dated me."
"That's not true," he disagreed.
"The fuck it ain't!" I yelled.
"Fine," he suddenly gave up, "I didn't want you to be with Jon. Are you happy?"
My heart sunk in my chest, as the tears stained my cheeks.
"All these years," I cried, "they were all lies?"
Love Lies Chapter 10
"Kmae, where have you been?"
It was Richie. He was standing right behind me.
I spun around, seeing eye-to-eye with him.
"I, uh," I studdered, "I went to pick up my, uh, clothes."
"So," he rubbed his chin, "you are going on tour?"
I nodded.
"What changed your mind?" he questioned.
I was hesitant to say anything. "I decided that it would be best for me," I swallowed, "to put my differences behind me."
He looked at me, and finally looked down. I could see him pondering and thinking about what I said.
"You're right," he whispered.
It was Richie. He was standing right behind me.
I spun around, seeing eye-to-eye with him.
"I, uh," I studdered, "I went to pick up my, uh, clothes."
"So," he rubbed his chin, "you are going on tour?"
I nodded.
"What changed your mind?" he questioned.
I was hesitant to say anything. "I decided that it would be best for me," I swallowed, "to put my differences behind me."
He looked at me, and finally looked down. I could see him pondering and thinking about what I said.
"You're right," he whispered.
Love Lies Chapter 9
I went around the bus, running into Doc, the band's manager.
"What are you up to, trouble maker?" He said.
"I'm finishing putting my stuff in the tour bus," I explained with the bag slumped over my shoulder.
He studied my face, "You aren't back together with Richie, are you?"
I shook my head, "Heck no."
"Oh," he said. "I was just curious."
"I'm not with any members of the band," I explained, "We're just all friends."
Doc nodded, and put his hand out. "I'll take your bags."
I handed him them, "There's more in my car," I handed him my keys, "but don't get my beauty dirty. I just waxed her."
He laughed and took my keys, saying goodbye. I walked around the side of the tour bus, and went into the abandoned stage we were parked behind.
"Kmae," I heard behind me. I spun around, and my worst fear was standing behind me.
"What are you up to, trouble maker?" He said.
"I'm finishing putting my stuff in the tour bus," I explained with the bag slumped over my shoulder.
He studied my face, "You aren't back together with Richie, are you?"
I shook my head, "Heck no."
"Oh," he said. "I was just curious."
"I'm not with any members of the band," I explained, "We're just all friends."
Doc nodded, and put his hand out. "I'll take your bags."
I handed him them, "There's more in my car," I handed him my keys, "but don't get my beauty dirty. I just waxed her."
He laughed and took my keys, saying goodbye. I walked around the side of the tour bus, and went into the abandoned stage we were parked behind.
"Kmae," I heard behind me. I spun around, and my worst fear was standing behind me.
Love Lies Chapter 8
A few highways and a coffee shop later, I got the guts to go back and talk to Richie. I knew that he wouldn't want to talk to me, but he was going to have to deal with it.
"Jon," I said when I pulled up, and he was sitting on top of a car, "where's Richie?"
"Don't know," he said, as he crossed his arms, "don't care either."
I crossed my arms as he looked up at me, "Jon, he's your best friend."
"You're also my best friend."
I didn't know what to say, so I just stood there.
"Come on, Kmae," he said as he hopped down from the car, "I've always thought of you as a friend."
"I think of you both," I paused, "as a friend."
"Who's better?" he challenged.
I rolled my eyes, "Jon, you're both equal in my eyes."
"But yet, who's better?" he questioned again.
I ignored him, stepping out of my car. I put the convertible top down and grabbed my suitcases, and walked to the bus, fearing that I'd see Richie before I'd want to see him.
"Jon," I said when I pulled up, and he was sitting on top of a car, "where's Richie?"
"Don't know," he said, as he crossed his arms, "don't care either."
I crossed my arms as he looked up at me, "Jon, he's your best friend."
"You're also my best friend."
I didn't know what to say, so I just stood there.
"Come on, Kmae," he said as he hopped down from the car, "I've always thought of you as a friend."
"I think of you both," I paused, "as a friend."
"Who's better?" he challenged.
I rolled my eyes, "Jon, you're both equal in my eyes."
"But yet, who's better?" he questioned again.
I ignored him, stepping out of my car. I put the convertible top down and grabbed my suitcases, and walked to the bus, fearing that I'd see Richie before I'd want to see him.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Love Lies Chapter 7
I was in love with Richie. I couldn't deny the truth.
I was in love with Jon and Richie.
"What the fuck are you going to do?" I asked myself. I knew that Richie knew it was over for us, and Jon wouldn't risk dating me. Who? Who? It ran through my mind like wildfire.
I spotted a picture of me and Richie that was poking out from a photo album under my bed. I drug the photo album out and just flipped through the pages. Pictures from as early as '78 were in there of me and Jon, Richie, David, and Dave Sabo, a friend of Jon's. The first picture was of us at the beach. Richie had his arms around my waist and I had my arms around his neck. You could see Jon being a goofball in the background as he made funny faces and danced around.
The next picture, also taken at the beach, was of me and Richie's shadows off of the sand. We were obviously kissig in that photo.
I turned the pages and studied each and every photograph. Each one of them either had Richie, Jon or both in them, followed by me. I loved their way of always making me laugh and cry at times. It was my drug.
After finishing placing my items in a bag, I took them out into the car, and drove off destined to find my way to Richie and Jon's hearts.
I was in love with Jon and Richie.
"What the fuck are you going to do?" I asked myself. I knew that Richie knew it was over for us, and Jon wouldn't risk dating me. Who? Who? It ran through my mind like wildfire.
I spotted a picture of me and Richie that was poking out from a photo album under my bed. I drug the photo album out and just flipped through the pages. Pictures from as early as '78 were in there of me and Jon, Richie, David, and Dave Sabo, a friend of Jon's. The first picture was of us at the beach. Richie had his arms around my waist and I had my arms around his neck. You could see Jon being a goofball in the background as he made funny faces and danced around.
The next picture, also taken at the beach, was of me and Richie's shadows off of the sand. We were obviously kissig in that photo.
I turned the pages and studied each and every photograph. Each one of them either had Richie, Jon or both in them, followed by me. I loved their way of always making me laugh and cry at times. It was my drug.
After finishing placing my items in a bag, I took them out into the car, and drove off destined to find my way to Richie and Jon's hearts.
Love Lies Chapter 6
He turned back around and looked at me, "What?"
"I'll go," I whispered.
He wrapped his arms around me in a great bear hug, "Baby, I knew you'd do this for me," he laughed.
I wasn't doing it for him, it was for Richie.
"Yeah," I lied as I tried to hold on to talk.
He lifted my chin up, "You stay strong. I'll see you in a bit. Go get your stuff, we've got a tour to go on!"
He excitedly let me go as I went around the bus. I saw the guys all talking, but with no Richie in sight.
I decided to let him be as I walked down the gravel road to my car, the gravel crunching under my feet.
My car, a newly boughten '68 Camaro with blue and white stripes and a convertible top, sat sunbathing in the warm July day. She was a beauty. I'd only had her for about a month, but not even a speck of dirt caressed the sleek blue body. She was pure horsepower.
I got in and turned the key. Her motor was like a hushed puma, ready to pounce as I put her in gear and went on my way, the wind blowing in my face.
At my apartment, I went in immediately to grab the clothes from my closet. Changing, I decided to wear an old Aerosmith t-shirt, short denim shorts, and a worn out pair of cowboy boots, and matching cowboy hat. I was set to go.
I walked over to my dresser, swiping away all the dust that covered my jewelry box. For a girl, I hardly ever wore jewelry. Usually on fancy dates or for work is when I actually wore it. I might as well bring it with me.
After taking out my good jewelry, I spotted a necklace that was shining off of the mirror. I reached into the box and found it was an old necklace that Richie had given me a few years back. I had worn it when I went to prom with Jon because Richie is older then me and Jon.
I took the necklace and studied every rhinestone that was attached to the cold metal. They were in a heart shape, following an "R" and a “K” with a gold band.
I reached up and put it around my neck. The cold metal made me shiver at first, but then put me at ease. I looked at myself in the mirror and realized, I was in love again.
"I'll go," I whispered.
He wrapped his arms around me in a great bear hug, "Baby, I knew you'd do this for me," he laughed.
I wasn't doing it for him, it was for Richie.
"Yeah," I lied as I tried to hold on to talk.
He lifted my chin up, "You stay strong. I'll see you in a bit. Go get your stuff, we've got a tour to go on!"
He excitedly let me go as I went around the bus. I saw the guys all talking, but with no Richie in sight.
I decided to let him be as I walked down the gravel road to my car, the gravel crunching under my feet.
My car, a newly boughten '68 Camaro with blue and white stripes and a convertible top, sat sunbathing in the warm July day. She was a beauty. I'd only had her for about a month, but not even a speck of dirt caressed the sleek blue body. She was pure horsepower.
I got in and turned the key. Her motor was like a hushed puma, ready to pounce as I put her in gear and went on my way, the wind blowing in my face.
At my apartment, I went in immediately to grab the clothes from my closet. Changing, I decided to wear an old Aerosmith t-shirt, short denim shorts, and a worn out pair of cowboy boots, and matching cowboy hat. I was set to go.
I walked over to my dresser, swiping away all the dust that covered my jewelry box. For a girl, I hardly ever wore jewelry. Usually on fancy dates or for work is when I actually wore it. I might as well bring it with me.
After taking out my good jewelry, I spotted a necklace that was shining off of the mirror. I reached into the box and found it was an old necklace that Richie had given me a few years back. I had worn it when I went to prom with Jon because Richie is older then me and Jon.
I took the necklace and studied every rhinestone that was attached to the cold metal. They were in a heart shape, following an "R" and a “K” with a gold band.
I reached up and put it around my neck. The cold metal made me shiver at first, but then put me at ease. I looked at myself in the mirror and realized, I was in love again.
Love Lies Chapter 5
He just stood there, looking at me with worry in his eyes.
"You can't," he whispered as if it wasn't true.
"Jon," my voice trailed off.
"You can't!" he argued, "there isn't a me without you! I've been waiting so long for this damn moment and he's got to ruin it for us."
I knew me and Richie had been fighting but it wasn't his fault. I had to somehow change my mind.
"Fine," I whispered, "I'll go."
"You can't," he whispered as if it wasn't true.
"Jon," my voice trailed off.
"You can't!" he argued, "there isn't a me without you! I've been waiting so long for this damn moment and he's got to ruin it for us."
I knew me and Richie had been fighting but it wasn't his fault. I had to somehow change my mind.
"Fine," I whispered, "I'll go."
Monday, January 09, 2012
Love Lies Chapter 4
"Yeah," I whispered.
"You know you can tell me anything."
I bit my lip, "I can't go on tour."
"What?" he questioned.
"I can't go," I tried to not cry.
"Why not?" he worried, "Why does Richie get on the way of everything?"
"It's not Richie," I lied.
"Then who the fuck is it?" He questioned himself as he kicked a can into the cement wall.
"It's me," I said.
"Bullshit," he argued.
I didn't know what to do at that moment. I just stood there and stared at him with my worried expression.
"Tell me, goddammit!" He cried in anger.
"Please," I cried, "Just listen to me."
He stood there with a sad look on his face as he rubbed his forehead and looked down, crying.
"Jon," I cried, "I don't want to cause you guys any harm. Thats why I'm leaving. I can't do it of your band hates me, mostly your best friend."
"You know you can tell me anything."
I bit my lip, "I can't go on tour."
"What?" he questioned.
"I can't go," I tried to not cry.
"Why not?" he worried, "Why does Richie get on the way of everything?"
"It's not Richie," I lied.
"Then who the fuck is it?" He questioned himself as he kicked a can into the cement wall.
"It's me," I said.
"Bullshit," he argued.
I didn't know what to do at that moment. I just stood there and stared at him with my worried expression.
"Tell me, goddammit!" He cried in anger.
"Please," I cried, "Just listen to me."
He stood there with a sad look on his face as he rubbed his forehead and looked down, crying.
"Jon," I cried, "I don't want to cause you guys any harm. Thats why I'm leaving. I can't do it of your band hates me, mostly your best friend."
Love Lies Chapter 3
I ran behind the tour bus, looking for Jon. He wasn't there, but of course Alec was.
"What the fuck are you doing?" He asked.
I shrugged, "Why the fuck does it matter to you?"
"Wow, language," he growled.
I actually hated Alec. He had always been a creep in my eyes. I saw him as a very creepy person, but he was still my band brother.
He asked me about going on tour and everything. I explained to him why I wasn't going to tolerate anymore of Richie's shit. I had enough.
"Finally," I said when I reached Jon.
"Been looking for me?" he asked.
"What the fuck are you doing?" He asked.
I shrugged, "Why the fuck does it matter to you?"
"Wow, language," he growled.
I actually hated Alec. He had always been a creep in my eyes. I saw him as a very creepy person, but he was still my band brother.
He asked me about going on tour and everything. I explained to him why I wasn't going to tolerate anymore of Richie's shit. I had enough.
"Finally," I said when I reached Jon.
"Been looking for me?" he asked.
Sunday, January 08, 2012
Love Lies Chapter 2
"Woah, girl," David laughed as I nearly ran head on into him. "Why are you in such a hurry?"
I was breathing deeply from running, so all that came out was, "I...Richie...asshole."
David looked at me with a scared face, "What? I thought you broke up?"
I finally caught my breath, "We are."
"Then why were you guys..."
"No!" I stopped him from finishing. "Not that!"
"Then what WERE you doing?" He questioned with a weird smirk.
"Arguing," I explained to him what happened.
"So, you're going on tour?" he questioned.
"Yeah, if Richie decides to let me," I said.
"It's not his choice," David said, "it's basically the leader's, which is Jon's, choice. Just tell Richie to shut the fuck up for once, 'Kay?"
"Alright," I said, as I turned to walk away.
"Oh by the way," I turned back to David, "this may be 1984, but it doesn't mean you should style your hair like a poodle."
He laughed, "Get the hell outta here," in a funny way. And I went off to talk to Jon.
I was breathing deeply from running, so all that came out was, "I...Richie...asshole."
David looked at me with a scared face, "What? I thought you broke up?"
I finally caught my breath, "We are."
"Then why were you guys..."
"No!" I stopped him from finishing. "Not that!"
"Then what WERE you doing?" He questioned with a weird smirk.
"Arguing," I explained to him what happened.
"So, you're going on tour?" he questioned.
"Yeah, if Richie decides to let me," I said.
"It's not his choice," David said, "it's basically the leader's, which is Jon's, choice. Just tell Richie to shut the fuck up for once, 'Kay?"
"Alright," I said, as I turned to walk away.
"Oh by the way," I turned back to David, "this may be 1984, but it doesn't mean you should style your hair like a poodle."
He laughed, "Get the hell outta here," in a funny way. And I went off to talk to Jon.
Sunday, January 01, 2012
Love Lies: Chapter 1
"Can I go on tour?" I swallowed.
"Yeah," Jon smiled. "I've been waiting for you to ask me."
I bit my lip as I could see Richie peeking at us from around the side of the bus, looking at me like I did something wrong.
"I'm glad you didn't let Richie get in the way of us," Jon smiled. He had no clue that Richie was lying to him by saying that Richie wasn't in love with me anymore. In reality, he still loved me.
Jon smiled and wrapped me up in a massive bear hug. I missed all these hugs from him from highschool. They were what I basically sometimes lived for. I felt as if my life wasn't the same without his hugs. My life wasn't whole without love from the band. They were my addiction. They were my brothers. But now, after my serious relationship with Richie had just ended, I was scared Jon wouldn't let me go on tour.
Jon smiled and walked away as the gravel crunched under my feet as I went to the side of the bus.
"Richie," I said. "I know you're behind here."
He peeked over at me with a disgusted grin. "What do you want now? To be the lead guitarist?"
"Richie, I'm sick of your attitude," I yelled at him. He rolled his eyes and lit a cigarette.
"Richie? Are you even listening to me?" I yelled.
"You don't need to yell," he muttered.
I rolled my eyes, "You better get used to my yelling because I've got my one way ticket to the tour bus."
"Jon isn't the one who makes the decisions around here, you know. He needs to ask everyone else," Richie's voice echoed off of the tour bus.
"Yeah, but my decision was to ask him, because he loves me."
"Why are you being such a bitch?" He growled at me, looking at me with his eyes like daggers.
I ripped the cigarette out of his hand and threw it to the ground. "You know what Richie? You're an asshole. I gave you EVERYTHING. I loved you. You're the reason I hate who I am. You better shape your ass up or you'll be sorry."
I ran from him, and dodging around the tour bus, I ran head on into David.
"Yeah," Jon smiled. "I've been waiting for you to ask me."
I bit my lip as I could see Richie peeking at us from around the side of the bus, looking at me like I did something wrong.
"I'm glad you didn't let Richie get in the way of us," Jon smiled. He had no clue that Richie was lying to him by saying that Richie wasn't in love with me anymore. In reality, he still loved me.
Jon smiled and wrapped me up in a massive bear hug. I missed all these hugs from him from highschool. They were what I basically sometimes lived for. I felt as if my life wasn't the same without his hugs. My life wasn't whole without love from the band. They were my addiction. They were my brothers. But now, after my serious relationship with Richie had just ended, I was scared Jon wouldn't let me go on tour.
Jon smiled and walked away as the gravel crunched under my feet as I went to the side of the bus.
"Richie," I said. "I know you're behind here."
He peeked over at me with a disgusted grin. "What do you want now? To be the lead guitarist?"
"Richie, I'm sick of your attitude," I yelled at him. He rolled his eyes and lit a cigarette.
"Richie? Are you even listening to me?" I yelled.
"You don't need to yell," he muttered.
I rolled my eyes, "You better get used to my yelling because I've got my one way ticket to the tour bus."
"Jon isn't the one who makes the decisions around here, you know. He needs to ask everyone else," Richie's voice echoed off of the tour bus.
"Yeah, but my decision was to ask him, because he loves me."
"Why are you being such a bitch?" He growled at me, looking at me with his eyes like daggers.
I ripped the cigarette out of his hand and threw it to the ground. "You know what Richie? You're an asshole. I gave you EVERYTHING. I loved you. You're the reason I hate who I am. You better shape your ass up or you'll be sorry."
I ran from him, and dodging around the tour bus, I ran head on into David.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)